A day after Jide Sanwo-Olu, the urbane, even-tempered and level-headed governor of Lagos State, announced a total ban on Okada motorcycle drivers, yours sincerely woke up to a fearsome din of cheers and applause coming from the street below.

Bleary-eyed, Snooper frantically pulled the curtains. The whole scene was hazy and blurry at first. In the distance and amidst the total confusion, one could only make out the half-crazed dustbin woman of Sierra-Leonean ancestry screaming on top of her voice in wild excitement.

“Oga, oga!!! You still dey sleep? Something done dey happening oo. Mama done do am again. He come finis dem Okada boy who come run like Saro wayo man”, she screamed on top of her voice.

At that point the outlandish spectacle became discernible. It was the irrepressible and indefatigable Mama Igosun. Dressed in her husband’s ancient PWD uniform which had become her default mode for hell-raising, she had dismounted from a motor cycle and was dragging the poor machine towards the house heaving and panting as the crowd cheered and hailed.

At this point, the mad dustbin woman of Saro extraction burst into an old, naughty Sierra-Leonean ditty.

Woman dey pantap

Man dey bottom

Come see something wey happen ooo

Mama had been in a quiet surly mood of late ever since her latest request to return to her Igosun homestead was firmly rejected. She had become mildly disruptive in the house often urging Gbabi-Magbabe, the driver and former NNDP thug, to finish off Okon by slamming him with an amulet from his deadly repertoire of charms. One blow and Okon would fold in convulsive spasms like a stung millipede.

The previous day after a fearsome altercation with Okon over Sukuniyan, an ancient delicacy made from  unhatched eggs, the ancient amazon barged into snooper’s room.

“Wo, Akanbi, I say I wan go home. I wan reach Igosun. I don tire for this yeye Lagos people. Na so so grammar, no action. All dem Yoruba leader dem don chop dodo(plantain) and dem no fit talk ododo (truth) again,” the old woman screamed in choleric rage.

“Mama, you cannot go to Igosun. There is nobody there for you”, snooper replied.

“Akanbi, na becos I dey respect you. I sabi my way well well. Na Akanran road I for take. So if you say make I no go home, go bring my shrine make I dey worship Orisha Oko”, the fiery contrarian sulked.

“Mama you can’t do that here. I am a born again Christian”, snooper objected.

“And who born you again? I sabi when dem born you for Seven Day Hospital and my sister come dey cry like dem Agege fowl”, the feisty warrior screamed, resuming ancient sororal feuds. At this point, snooper walked out on her in mock anger.

But this morning as one beheld the old woman beaming over the motorcycle with great pride and satisfaction it was obvious that a public relation fiasco was unfolding.

“Mama what is all this about?” snooper asked pointing at the motorcycle.

“Ha Akanbi, I seize am from dem yeye Godogodo boy. As I dey lawyer am why him still dey ride dem okada, he wan stab me. Him don forget say person no dey stab dead wood. Naim I come whack him head with them wheel spanner and as he come dey run, him come fall and I come carry him okada come home”, the old woman noted breathlessly.

“No mama you can’t do that. It is against the law”, snooper shouted.

“Which law again after dem don ban them? You see na law, law, law go kill Yoruba people. I say I wan go home, abi na by force? Kilode gan gan?”, the old woman screamed and stormed out on snooper.

The Nation